My sweetie

My sweetie
at school

Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Happy child

This vest was lost. She couldn't wear turtlenecks after getting the "trach". She couldn't be in her wheelchair without her TLSO (thoracic lumbar sacrum orthosis) a couple years after this photo was taken because her back kept curving more and more. She didn't care about any of that. She loved life. She was joyful.

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

My daughter's Facebook account

When we arrived at the lakeside lodge in British Columbia last night we connected our phones through the wireless service and there was a message from my daughter's Facebook account. It was linked to me so that I could navigate it for her. Mostly they used it at school. Mostly it wasn't used. But it is still there in cyberspace and they wanted to let her know that she has been away for awhile and they welcome her back. She also has friends waiting to be accepted. What do I do with my daughter's Facebook? The word shrine comes to mind.

Sunday, 26 June 2011

Me and my husband

We are alone together for the first time since our daughter died. I have been traveling with a theatre tour and he has been at home with our other daughter. We spoke about everything that happened the night she died. The particulars. The doctors said not to bring her to the ER. There were too many sick children and our daughter was too vulnerable and everyone knows how long you stay in the ER before going up to a room. They said to bring her to the clinics in the morning. She would see her Gastroenterologist and her Pulmonary doctors. It would be preferable. Nobody knew.

Saturday, 25 June 2011

In the beginning

My beloved daughter Lueza died on April 4, 2011. She was born on October 2, 1994. Her brain was injured during her birth. It was the birth from hell. Broke my water with a long hook. Pitocin. Epidural. On oxygen lying on my left side. And then something went horribly wrong and she was wrenched out by forceps barely alive. Emergency team from NICU was called at some point and they intubated her and took her away. My husband and I were left alone in a bloody room. A fancy private hospital on 5th Avenue in New York City.